2 Questions To Rule Them All

“How do I know if what I’m doing is right? How do I know she won’t leave?”

He’s three dates into something he already knew he was going to ruin.

I told him he doesn’t know. Nobody does. She could leave tomorrow. She could get abducted by aliens.

Ya just don’t know.

Then he asked what he should do about it.

Nothing. There’s nothing to do about it.

What you can control is whether you were actually there for it.

Most people aren’t. They send a text and check it four times. They pick the restaurant she’d pick. They agree with something they don’t agree with, and then sit there wondering why she can’t see them.

That’s not her leaving, you just never showed up.

So before I do anything (especially on a date), I ask two things.

Is this honest?

Is the honesty coming from a place of security?

The second one matters more, and almost nobody asks it. Because anxious people are honest all the time. Angry people are extremely honest. Honesty on its own just means your worst emotion got to speak first.

“What’s your favorite thing about me?” isn’t a question.

It’s a request for reassurance wearing a question’s clothes, and she can hear the difference before you finish saying it.