Boring Subconscious

Me: “Oof, that was stupid of me.”

Ally: “…why do you say that?”

Me: “What? It was a stupid thing to do. Doesn’t mean I think I’m stupid.”

Ally: “Yeah, but that’s not good to say about yourself.”

Me: “I’m not dumb. I know that. It was a joke.”

Ally: “You should treat your subconscious like it doesn’t have a sense of humor.”

Me: “…yeah, that’s dumb too. I’ll pass.”

I thought about it for a week anyway.

I take one idea and run with it for a month to see what happens. So I picked that one. No negative self-talk. Ever. Not even joking.

At first I noticed nothing.

Then I stopped being critical of myself. Then of everyone else.

Some guy on my team is playing badly and I just don’t say it. Sometimes I’m that guy too.

I don’t finish what I planned. Instead of the usual, I look at what I did finish.

And the pressure is gone.

I wanted to do it more.

That’s the part I didn’t expect. I thought I’d get softer. I got faster.

Everyone treats this as a kindness thing. Be nicer to yourself, you deserve it. That’s not it. The reason to stop is that it works, and it works whether or not you deserve anything.

“But it was a joke.”

Jokes still get recorded.